Hello!! I haven’t written blog in a hot minute so sorry about that BUT I’m in Costa Rica! I am already in love with this country and the people in it. We spent our first few days here getting caught up on sleep and learning about the culture. The AIM base we’re staying at feels like home, which was something I really needed. We have a backyard instead of a roof which is honestly more than okay with me. Enos cover the trees and posts on the back porch. I love it. Its quiet here, unlike the busy cities we’ve spent the past 3 months in.
After a few days at the base our team went to Puerto Viejo to stay at a YWAM base for 3 days where we did some manual labor and some evangelism but we did’t get to talk to the people very much. We went to the beach on our off day and all got montisumas revenge which came with a raging fever and stomach ache so bad I thought I was going to pass out. That lasted only a few days but praise God we got to a point where we did’t almost poop our pants every 30 minutes. We love bad water.
We left the YWAM base and went to stay at Teen Challenge Rehab center where we got to spend a week in the jungle handing out bibles to people and telling them how much Jesus loves them. If you know me well, then you probably know that talking to strangers is something that is nearly impossible for me. It scares the heck out of me and I hate doing it honestly. The first day we went out to evangelize I just stood back on the sidelines while my team mates told people about the amazing ways God has worked in their lives. I felt a lot of shame as I realized that I did not trust in the Holy Spirit to give me the words I needed to glorify the Lord. I chickened out of every opportunity to talk to someone and let me tell you, it sucked.
My walk with the Lord has looked a lot different than girls on my team. I heard about the World Race the same weekend that I accepted Christ into my life. I went into the race still very new in my relationship with Jesus and that did not give me a lot of confidence. The other 6 girls on my team have been walking with the Lord much longer than I have and that’s honestly intimidating sometimes. I watched them go out and tell people their testimonies and share bible verses with people and I did not think I knew enough about God to be doing this for myself. I did’t grow up a pastors kid, going to Sunday school and church events every chance I got. For the majority of my life, a relationship with the Lord seemed like the most unattractive thing in the world to me. Now looking back on my life, and seeing where I am now, I wish started pursuing a relationship with the Lord a long time ago. In my head this has been something that has held me back a lot. I felt for a long time that people around me where more capable than I was and would do a much better job at telling people about Jesus than I could.
The next day we went out to the same neighborhood and I stepped out of the car with a handful of spanish bibles and some butterlfys in my stomach. We went to the first house and played with the dog while Olivia and Amanda shared a little bit of their testimonies. On the way to our next house our translator asked me why I was scared to talk and I explained to him that I did not think my testimony was impactful enough. He told me that was a lie and that the Lord has done crazy cool things in my life whether I have a huge dramatic testimony or not. I listened to the encouraging words that were being spoken over me and felt an emense sense of peace and comfort come over me. I realized then that the Lord was with me in that moment and He is with me in every moment.
I confidently walked up to the house and a lady walked out. She said hello and told me it was okay if I shared some of my testimony with her. The moment I started talking I realized the words I was speaking were not from me but from the Holy Spirit. I finished talking and we prayed over her. I prayed more passionately than I have in a while and I walked away with a new found confidence in myself and the Holy Spirit. Talking to a stranger sounds like such a small and insignificant event, but for me it was a really big deal. If you would have asked me to do that 6 months ago and I would have had a panic attack. Being venerable and open to people I didn’t know used to absolutely terrify me and turn me into a nervous wreck. Now I know that anything I am doing to glorify the Lord is not scary at all, It’s actually a really amazing privilege that we get to have.
The Lord completly wrecked me this week and showed me that the Holy Spirit will show up and give me words to speak every single time I need them. I prayed more than I had in a while and the Lord just kept telling me to step out in completely boldness and stop doubting Him, the creature of the universe. Honesty not sure why I was ever doubting the Lord in the first place. Kinda dumb if you ask me. Just because I haven’t known that Lord as long, doesn’t mean I don’t know Him. I found myself getting those two things mixed up. God doesn’t judge your relationship based on how many years you ran away from Him or how many mistakes you have made. He’s just happy that you know Him now. We all have the same Holy Spirit in us no matter what our walk has looked like. We are all capable and the Lord delights in us when we step out in confidence. He’s just happy when we try. It does’t have to be perfect. He simply want us to give things a try.
I am in absolute awe at how much the Lord has broken down walls of lies in my life and built them back up with strength and confidence. I am constantly being reminded that I am a new creation in Him and that I do have the Holy Spirit in me. The Lord does’t ask us to do scary things without the promise that He will be there helping us along when are need it.
ALSO I AM FULLY FUNDED!!!! Thank you so so much to everyone that donated and allowed me to continue traveling and sharing the Love of Jesus in very broken places. It has been the most amazing 4 months an I can’t wait for 5 more. Please let me know if theres any way I can be praying for you or if you have any questions about that I am doing!:))))